This world rarely gave me what my Soul was yearning for and through music, movies and travels I was eager to explore other worlds within and without. I am an explorer by heart, deeply curious about what lies beyond the horizon. In the beginning I was exploring the external world through my long travels, later on, I had to start to journey within to heal and get to know myself. Now I am deeply curious about a human condition, potential and the truth of who we really are underneath the chatter of our mind.
I used to suffer immensely (I was deeply hurt due to life-long abuse, had a fractured self, codependency issues, was narcissistically and sexually abused, trauma bonded to abusers, felt powerless, unworthy and hated myself to an extent where I wanted to annihilate myself – I created experiences facing death, somewhere deep down I didn’t care about myself and my Life at all, I put up with unbearable shame and guilt that were haunting me each step of the way, I existed under a mask of pretence, was always guessing how to be, to fit in, was wearing a happy mask while deep down I felt utterly broken). I had to dismantle myself, my mind and find a way how to live with myself in peace and learning self- love, which became an ongoing journey for me. For something to change I had to venture far and wide, so I went for long travels into lands unknown to me before. It was a scary and very exciting time for me. I left my comfort zone of a home and started to experience myself on a deeper level. Those moments on the road gave me so much, I started to learn about Life and myself through intense and challenging experiences. As much as it was beautiful, it was sometimes a very tough school too. This was not enough for me to truly connect deeply with myself. To find my truth, I had to go on a journey deep within. Through my own bewilderment of discovering my past of life-long abuse and suppressed emotions that were longing to be felt, things started to change. I started to change and become more free, true and at peace. Many years of inward journeying through practice and study of meditation (Vipassana, Transcendental meditation), bioenergy healing, reiki, psychology, spirituality, metaphysics, hermetic principles of manifestation, emotional therapy, Scientology tools of dealing effectively with trauma, healing PTSD, overcoming life-long narcissistic abuse, movement through dance, bioenergetics and martial arts, medicine plants, past life regression, nutritious diet/superfoods, esoteric work…brought me to a much deeper connection with myself and revealed my purpose in Life. I am truly grateful to have found mine.
Personal development (I had done many courses & trainings available in London and abroad) didn’t take me deep within for me to get in touch with the truth of who I am at the core level. It did the opposite, it conditioned me further by adding extra layers of how I need to be and behave to be successful (by societal norms). This type of training I’ve already received from my parents and society in general, while I wanted to know who I am on a Spirit level, beyond the structures of the mind. I wanted to feel inner peace rather than a raging battle within me.
I am beyond blessed to have had experienced a spiritual awakening in summer 2016 that showed me who I am beyond my programming. This experience forced me to fully surrender to Life, to kneel down and give up everything that did not serve me anymore. The control of the mind was gone. This was the most profound experience I had in my Life, where I felt like a newborn baby lying safely in a God’s palm. Without a job, without connection to the external world, being bed bound due to complete burnout & illness, I felt the safest and the most loved in my Life. Me and the Creator. No distractions. Not even emotional ones as I purged them too. I experienced that Great Silence. I could hear birds singing on the other side of London. The war inside was over. I get to know I am a divine child and I have the right to be here.
Before this was not so due to self-hatred and self-abandonment. I’ve also seen the truth of the world we live in and what’s behind the veil. That shook me profoundly. I came to learn there are many obstacles on a spiritual path that lie within my own mind and in the unseen, underneath the form. That’s why higher senses need to be fully activated and trusted, one needs to be truly embodied, to be able to discern what is well intended in your surroundings and what not. Through my naivety – thinking everyone is good at heart and my codependency issues (that majority of people in society have due to disconnection to their own Source of Life within), Life had to slap me many times, for me to learn that evil does exist and it works through the collective shadow. That was a hard lesson to learn.
I am interested in exploring our basic Divine nature, connection to Self & the Love within, honouring the Spirit, Embodiment, becoming one with Divine will with True alignment, Purposeful work, Intimacy, Divine Union between two and Sexuality as an extension of it, Food that supports our vehicle, Healing modalities for Integration & Wholeness, merging Feminine and Masculine within, connecting Head and Body, transit from being at the Effect of things (powerless/victim mode/giving power to external authorities) into being at the Cause (empowered/sovereign beings with authority) etc. I am addressing the Light and the Dark within and without as this is the only way to transcend the old ways and deeply connect to our Divine origins. From there awaits us the next part of the Journey into Sacredness of Life & Our Divinity. We have only just begun as there is much more to us than we ever imagined.
The Sacredness of Life lies Within