I want to share something that I deeply feel for, especially due to my own experience and due to observation of what is happening in my close surroundings of the past few years.
Two years ago during #MeToomovement, I was working as a personal assistant/carer in London and as I worked with other carers and knew them from years of working in this field, I was mind blown by the amount of #MeToo’s posted on Facebook profiles of my colleagues, when it went viral. This is not statistics, while what I observed was that at least 80% of my colleagues (friends) in this field of work, were sexually abused, including me. I was truly shaken. I was not aware that sexual abuse was so rampant in our society. Statistics say that 1 woman out of 4 is being sexually abused in this world. That is 25%. In the field of Care industry (carers, nurses..) I’ve seen the number going much higher.
At the end of the same year I moved out of London to a small seaside town called Margate. I started to work part-time as a carer in care homes in this area. I work to assist the elderly, mainly people who are suffering due to dementia and some of them are what they call, ’end of life’ – dying. And what I’ve seen there is that many older women, when being taken care of intimately by mainly female carers, they would object having their clothes taken off (they can’t take care of themselves no more), they’ll be covering their intimate parts in terror something horrible might happen. It’s a challenge sometimes to make them feel safe and trusting, to know, that they are in safe hands and that they are not going to be violated. I can totally feel their fear and terror inside when their pads are being changed, when they are being washed, there is a lot of unresolved sexual trauma that I perceive in these women. It is not visible only by giving personal care to their intimate parts & how some of them are in sheer terror and shock trying to stop it, but also I’ve seen some of them being stuck in a mental programme of trauma due to dementia, where their consciousness is trying to resolve trauma through repetition of a certain programme. Every programme is linked to a certain underlying emotion. Emotion is what keeps the programme in place.
The other day I was sitting for few hours with a lady I met for the first time. She was caught up in a child mode, asking fearfully for her mother. ‘Mom! Mom!….Mom!! MOM!!’ She is over 80 years old. She would look into the air, move her eyes around, seeing things and talking to people I could not see. She is mostly disconnected from people and the environment she lives in. She lives in constant fear, her eyes show terror, she is restless and moving a lot in her armchair.
I took her hand into mine and our hands strongly locked. I could feel on a deeper level, she was with me. After observing her and being there with her for a while, feeling into how can I help her alleviate some of her fear, I asked her ‘Olive, how do you feel inside’? She says ‘terrible’. ‘What happened, what do you see?’….she replies:’ ‘There is a black man.’… I feel her fear…’how old are you?’ ’12’. …then she goes: ‘This shouldn’t have happened. Not to me, not to anyone.’… She starts to cry. Then she mentions her dad and she shifts from child’s innocence as if everything is all right, into sheer terror. I hold her hand and I told her: “You are so loved. You are safe. It was none of your fault.’ and I kept on repeating it while she was going through motions. She kept on crying and at some point she tells me she loves me. I smile to her and share that I love her too. The conversation went further and soon after she started to smile and her eyes became much more alive. What I perceived was that this woman was sexually abused in her childhood, could not tell anyone and now in her 80’s, her consciousness is trying to resolve trauma through being locked in that fearful story that she experienced many years ago. I might have given her a temporary relief while I had a bitter taste in my mouth when leaving, knowing, that she will continue suffering. Due to my heightened sensitivity and intuition, I can see that some of the women in care homes were severely abused and the body reveals it and their mind too. I feel you so much, dear dying sisters. Your pain was not in vain.
Sexual abuse, trauma, rape are the biggest annihilation of the Divine Feminine. You are robbed of your innocence, sovereignty and freedom. It is brutal. It is the most painful thing a Human Being can go through as it violates your whole Being. At the core of your Being is imprinted that you are wrong, bad and evil, that it was all your fault. Shame on you. While humans being possessed by Dark Forces go around and continue to torture and rape our children, men and women.
Moving forward… These days I am part of a group of people in a container that we share and just a few days ago we shared our life stories to each other. A sacred safe space of healing and transformation. On a group call, we were 7 people, 2 men and 5 women. Out of 5 women, 3 were sexually abused, more than once. This is 60%. In the majority of cases, if an adult woman was sexually abused, the first abuse happened much earlier, in her childhood.
Let’s just look at the consequences of sexual abuse in childhood to understand what we are dealing with:
lack sense of self/dissociation/soul fragmentation
low self worth, having no value (that reflects in every area of your life)
no trust in self and others
living in fear/try to control ‘unsafe’ environment
feeling unsafe in your body/spirit left the body due to trauma
codependency, people pleasing, being a perfectionist
self-blame, shame, guilt, fear, humiliation
addictions (self-abandonment, alcohol, drugs, porn..)
internalised anger transformed into self-hatred that leads to diseases like autoimmune diseases and cancer
feeling bad or evil at the core of your being
not being able to have healthy relationships/attracting predators
having no voice, no needs, cut off from your desires that are a force of life to move forward in life
feeling withdrawn, not belonging, unloved
depression, anxiety, panic attacks, in flight/fight mode
chronic pain in pelvic floor, fibroids, prone to STDs
promiscuity (on average more than 50 intercourse partners, many engage in risk-taking behaviours (HIV)
early pregnancy and prostitution
lack of self-protection leading to further victimisation and the list goes on….
The magnitude of how energies within a Being create self-defeating stories and inner pain is immense. In both genders. This needs to stop. We need to talk about this and most importantly, we need to heal. So that we finally feel loved, safe and truly seen as we are.
When I sit with myself in silence as energies guide me to dive deeper, to feel myself deeply and deal with another layer of trauma, I connect to my old themes of this life, abuse and suppression and with it comes ancestral annihilation of the feminine. When you go deep into this work, you can feel it all. It is immense. It is in the field, the cry of the Feminine to be ignited again, expressed again through all of us, throughout all of the Creation. This would heal us all and transform the world immediately.
I was not so much aware of this problem until I was able to acknowledge my own pain and becoming sensitive enough that I can really see it now. And what I sense is a societal ocean of unhealed abuse in women. It is rampant! Didn’t even go into the abuse that men are going through. I have two male friends that have been abused as children and they still struggle even in their 40s. Through my own experience, I came to understand what is happening on a planet Earth. Annihilation of the feminine in all of us. Great Mother, The Creator, that represents Love, Care, Nurture, Tenderness, Gentleness, Sensitivity, Unity, Brotherhood & Sisterhood, being good to ourselves and each other, Taking good care of ourselves and each other…..we are missing on so much. This suppression is happening for a very long time, for thousands of years, while we are blessed to see that the Feminine is coming back big time through people who are willing to do the work, as we speak. Nowadays due to higher level of consciousness, we are ready to open that mother wound and heal it.
Are you fully feeling yourself and your body?
If you do, Do you feel HER, do you CREATE HER into existence? :)
If you don’t, Go and remove everything that is suppressing her within you. Let go of control, of fake power, use the anger and the sword to connect to her and protect her, go and start to dance with your body, so that the movement of the energies inside reveal your creative feminine loving force inside of your Being.
THERE WILL BE NO GOLDEN AGE WITHOUT ADDRESSING THE BIGGEST WOUND THAT THE WORLD IS SUFFERING FROM. DON’T BE AFRAID TO FEEL. DON’T BE AFRAID TO SURRENDER TO HER. IT IS LOVE. WE ARE SO AFRAID OF LOVE.
THROUGH FEELING YOURSELF DEEPLY YOU WILL FIND HER.
MAY THE FEMININE RISE IN ALL OF US AND TRANSFORM OURSELVES AND THIS WORLD. THERE ARE TREASURES BEYOND OUR IMAGINATION WAITING FOR US ONCE WE GO PAST THE DARK FOREST OF HEALING AND CUT HEADS TO OUR INNER DEMONS.
YOU WILL RISE. YOU WILL RISE AGAIN.
KEEP GOING. YOUR DIVINITY IS NEAR.
With All My Love, Eva